How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch

At some point in our lives, almost every one of us will have our heart broken. Imagine how different things would be if we paid more attention to this unique emotional pain. Psychologist Guy Winch reveals how recovering from heartbreak starts with a determination to fight our instincts to idealize and search for answers that aren’t there — and offers a toolkit on how to, eventually, move on. Our hearts might sometimes be broken, but we don’t have to break with them.

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39 thoughts on “How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch

  1. I wish that my heartbreak was because of my partner being horrible, but it wasn’t. She just wasn’t in the right position in life to handle any relationship. That’s what hurts most is it could’ve worked she was just unable to be loved and to love because of life stresses due to family circumstances. All I wanted to do was love her and heal her but she pushed me away. It’s been 2 days and I am still heartbroken, my head understands but my heart physically hurts

  2. But how can i be able to love anyone in the future if it was going really well when she decided she wants to break up with me… how can i be sure that in the future the same thing will not happen… and idk i kindda feel it was good so i want to love (and be loved) the same way in the future… but i just don't want to be broken again…

  3. He’s dead right in saying it’s comparable to an opioid withdrawal. Delete everything and move on. Otherwise all you are doing is getting that momentary fix that prolongs the pain. Channel that hurt in improving yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything major, join a gym, take up a passion you always wanted to explore. Turn the negative into a positive.

  4. I never thought that I would be here in my room alone crying all day looking at videos of a broken heart. This one hit me the hardest as I am 27 and was gonna get married this Jan . And he just left me and said he needs time and didn’t want to marry me anymore . It’s been three months and I haven’t gotten any better . But I am accepting it and I think that’s why I’m feeling this way. It is much like a drug. I pray everyday to get better . I feel like I’m going to end up alone and nobody will want me. I was with him for 6 years . Don’t ever get somebody’s hopes up and say you’re gonna marry them it’s prob one of the hardest things bc I feel worthless and like I’m never good enough it really messed me up 😞.

  5. Going through a 8 year marriage breakup haven’t slept in 2 days or ate for 2.5 days. Iv lost 6 pounds, I haven’t given up. Still haven’t got the divorce papers

  6. Nov.11 It was a Monday. Our class seat plan changed. Now Im not that close to my crush. But I can still see her from a distance. While few periods past I notice she was looking at me and I also look at her with a pokerface. She starts laughing I satrted laughing too. After school I said to her "today was a weird day. we were staring at each other." A few messages later she told me…
    "i like u". I was speechless. The next day after i became happy for the first time of my 3 month long depression. In the morning we exchanged stares and smiles. But later in the noon she started to looks like she doesnt like me. The next day she completely stopped our smiles and stares. Fast Forward to Nov.14 Now we dont talk that much. Its only me giving stares and smiles. I kept on assuming the day before that she doesnt like me. Now I realized I have slight depression. My mind always assuming and saying things. I ask her 2 times on 2 different days "do u actually like me" she replies with "yes". Now its the night of Nov. 14 and im typing this message.😢

  7. My ex is in two of my classes and is very good mates with my best friend. I cant escape him even though im the one that broke up with him. God help me.

  8. It took me 3 years to finally get over my ex she is the mother of my first and only child. In that time period I slept with over 30 something women thinking that was the key of getting over a woman. I was wrong. It took finally realizing what I did, and that she wasn't coming back. Time anyone going through the same thing. 3 years is alot of time to wait but it was the best thing to ever happen to me, it made me better as a person and to understand who I am now. Time just give it time. God has someone else better for you.

  9. Empaths are always attracted to heart break coz universe is asking them to give people a chance again and again,

    Heart break awakens the person who broke the relationship,

    The speaker is only seeing suffering as a stand alone consequence.

  10. I don't know if or if this will help anyone else on here and have never spoken publicly about.. Issues I have had… But I have been in a 13 year relationship with my wife… And we'll after years of helping her cope with her mental illness… And dealing with lies, and being cheated on more than I can count… 3 days ago I was told that.. I was simply not wanted.. And she had become numb to me… I am devastated, can't eat can't think straight… Sleeping yeah now luck with that either… And to make this worse.. I have moved away from family, left friends behind lost jobs… Just to be with her and help her through everything she needed help with… And we'll when someone that you care for looks you dead in the face and tells you that you are no longer welcome in there life it's soul crushing.. Now I am stuck in small town.. With no friends, family and no where to go… I try to keep telling myself that I am strong and will be OK.. But it's very difficult.. What helps is I keep telling myself that I did everything I could do…then there's doubt… And my mined starts to try and fix it…as if there's some magical sentence like in the movies that will make her turnaround and run and jump in my arms… But deep down I know that is not going to happen.. My best advice is to remember you are worth something… And there is someone waiting for you as well.. We all go through this and yes it sucks but we are not alone… And if anyone needs to talk message me

  11. And that is gonna be live changing moment for me.. i have been in serious depression for last 5 weeks, did everything to feed my pain, now i will never stock her, imagine her , i will not look for explanation.. i promise.. i refuse to be misled by my own mind..!!

  12. This is a little update on my story, again I hope this drives you all to move forward.
    5 months ago I had my heart torn out of me by a breakup and thought i was going to die from the pain it caused me.
    However, I didn’t die even though I wanted to. What I did do was this:
    I stood up, I swallowed the pain down and I channeled it into improving my situation.
    I committed to getting my pilots licence ✅ renovated my pool area ✅I finished off the project old car I had started restoring✅I improved my work life balance by going part time ✅and I started a regular gym and group fitness program. ✅
    All in a little under 5 months. Now I won’t deny that I don’t still feel the heartache or that somedays it’s still not enough to balance out the hurt I feel, but I don’t expect it to simply disappear, I loved her. How I feel is to be expected, but I’m not marinating in it, I’m not drowning in it.
    I’ve used that pain to drive me forward and I’ve done things I wouldn’t have otherwise. So if I can, you can. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better. Use the opportunity to change your life, follow in your heart what makes you happy. You have the freedom to do so, the sun will rise and set and clocks still tick. Don’t waste time on someone who let you go. Be brave.
    You are you’re best source of relief for how you feel, because only you know what will heal you.
    Love to all of you who are hurt right now.

  13. when circumstances are the roots of heartache … visas, miles, boundaries, wars … those roots of heartache are another kind, a deep(er) challenge to romantic domestic love. this kind of heartbreak is another kind of pain that demands another kind of letting go and understanding. it's still grief, and immune system dysfunction; it's still complex. Perhaps even more so.

  14. I disagree with the guy on the point of "you don't need closure"
    Having had this 5 month relationship with a sarcastically breaking up Russian-German woman I come to the conclusion that the real face of people will emerge on how they communicate a break up. Breaking up by text, not giving any clue or insight, is just pure cowardice in my opinion. Except in these circumstances where any physical violence or emotional abuse has happened, then not one miligram explanation is needed from the side of the dumper, that is a red line, in my opinion. But what happened to me, was cowardice. Expressing love and "having won the lotto" with me 3 months before…and breaking up not showing the slightest empathy…for me, this human behaviour is rotten and creates an awful lot of frustration, because a dumpee has the right to get first aid…by the dumper, the very same dumper that made the dumpee believe she or he loved him or her… it is pure cowardice and lack of empathy and basic respect in my opinion…not to personally communicate a reason.. a clue, for closure, in a nice way.
    Except, but I am repeating myself, in circumstances of physical violence or emotional abuse
    This, for me, in my case, is 50% of the heartbreak, the schizophrenic attitude from the person I loved and who told me months before when we slept incredibly intimate in bed "it should always be like this…"
    Things like this makes men fell prey to frustration and anger… please ladies.. .COMMUNICATE A BREAKUP IN A CONSCIOUSLY EMPHATIC WAY

  15. My heart's been broken for a couple of days, he cheated and now he's dating the girl, it was just like that, It happened so fast that caught me off guard, I'm devastated. But I'll get over it and move on.

  16. I love this video as it helped me identify my addiction to his love. I couldn't understand why I would occasionally contact him, or read our old texts. 7 months later, I am so much happier and feel like my heart is almost whole again. As, a result of my experience and the things that I learned through this healing process, I just launched my video How To Heal A Broken Heart. I wish you all healing. Big hugs!

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  18. I've been in a fight with my mind since I can remember and maybe that's why I've learned to politicize myself and control my feelings. But it is so fucking hard when it comes to a big trauma or a heartbreak. I keep idealizing the person, even if we're still together, and I just can't see the wrong side of it – until its over and yeah like he said, I start to ask myself: why? where did i do wrong? but then – maybe the problem wasn't me. relationship is not about only one so you can't be the wrong one – you both are. you both made mistakes. for a while it will be so exhaustive, and again like he said, "hope can be incredibly destructive when your heart is broken", you can't idealize anymore. it's over (oh but what if it isn't?) – you can't keep asking yourself that. maybe that's why i've feeling better after a month. I know we're over and there's not coming back – I waited for it for a while. but it's over and oh God I'm glad it's, finally, over.

  19. This world is not designed for all. Sometimes its better to simply take your own life than it is to be a cancer potentially infecting healthy people with the disease. I speak the truth. Anyone that denies this fact is in fact living a lie. A selfish life. A cowardly existence.

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